This is what I always say to men and women who come to me asking for my help approaching, attracting, seducing or playing hard to get with the opposite sex.
"You cannot RELAX and you cannot ADOPT THE FLEXIBLE UNAFRAID ATTITUDE that anything "sexual" calls for if you are not confident in your own sexual self".
You may be technically good looking, fun, intelligent, socially charismatic and a really "nice" person but if your SEXUAL SELF is poisoned with neediness, disillusion, sense of inadequacy, need for control, low self esteem, bitterness and resentfulness, your AUTHENTIC SEXUAL INTENSITY will be held back, unnecessarily aggressive or superficial.
When the opposite sex sense that there is no AUTHENTIC SEXUAL INTENSITY in your words and actions they'll treat you as someone who has no "relationship value". This is when you really have to try hard and hang in there just to sustain a conversation or date, let alone a relationship. You try this pick-up line and that conversation starter, this flirting body language and that sexy pose, this seduction technique and that sexual position, to no avail. You can only helplessly watch as the man or woman in front of you or in your life slips away into someone else's hands and life.
Granted, if you are really good looking, slap-knee hilarious, have great personal charisma (it's possible to have personal charisma and no sexual charisma, those two are different) or if you have lots of money, you may be able to fool a man or woman for a few dates or even months. But if you are like most, after a while, carrying on with the "sexy" facade when deep inside you feel sexually inadequate gets really exhausting. You find yourself wondering and even resenting the fact that you have to pretend to be who you are not and do all those things just to please a man or woman -- who may not even be showing any appreciation for your efforts and will in a moment take the next better offer.
What makes some men and women so intensely and effortlessly seductive is not a technique, good looks or even smart brains... what makes them so irresistible is that THEY ARE THE SEDUCTION!
1. They do not just PERFORM seduction, seductiveness is part of their makeup
Men and women with this kind of SEDUCTIVE PULL are so in touch with their sexual energy and so in sync with their sexual selves that seductiveness is WHO THEY ARE and not just what they say or do. This moment-to-moment awareness of the electrifying sexual energy flowing inside them makes it possible for them to walk around like MAGNETS. This is in contrast to what is commonly known as "hot woman" or "sexy man" where "being hot" or "being sexy" is a pose, an act, a tool entirely divorced from the sexual energy that directs behaviour and creates an AURA of sexual intensity.
2. They are confident in a way that inspires the other's confidence and trust in them
They are certain of who they are, what they want, what they have to offer and the value of what they have to offer, yet they neither show off nor are they too eager to impress and please. This is very different from the "alpha-male" or "hot babe" all puffed up, detached or aloof confidence. This is a confidence that includes others -- especially the woman or man they are seducing.
3. They operates on a personal and emotional level
Their seductiveness comes from their ability and tendency to focus on the personal and emotional state of others. They set the tone of "passionate" by demonstrating that they like who they are, that they enjoy the person they are with and that they appreciate the experience. This brightens the outlook of the man or woman they are seducing and heightens their responsiveness ultimately lifting the quality of the experience at hand.
4. They refuse to play a part -- that of the Player or Trickster-- and owe their seductiveness to this refusal!
They are NOT bound to any externally-driven techniques or egotistically designed rules and scripts, but instead have developed their own internally-driven self-regulation system (INNATE SEXUAL INSTINCTS) that informs and confirms their behaviours and responses in a given situation.
5.They are from tip to toe comfortable seducing - reveling in their own seductive energy and every bit immersed in the depth of their beingness!
For them, this is all part of living life in the most fully human manner possible. They make the earth (and life) feel like one great big playing field where their playful seductiveness come out to play and to eroticizes everything else in their magnetic field including the people that come in contact with their energy. They are interesting and fascinating to other people because they inspire others with their "let's-live-life" intensity.
6. They are constantly changing and constantly emerging a new -- always fresh in their words and actions
Nothing they say or do is rehearsed or scripted, everything happens in the unfolding moment of right now, right here, now-as-it-is-happening. This adaptable, flexible, innovative and creative ever-changing quality leads to a sense of personal mystery (thus "Mysterious").
When you RECLAIM your AUTHENTIC SEXUAL SELF and give yourself the freedom to do things your own way -- you become a conduit for a very powerful primal force. What you've done is given your primal sexual power the permission to stimulate your innate creativity, courage, tenacity and your CAPACITY TO STIR THE PRIMAL EMOTIONS and desires of others.
